MY HEART

I have been told that losing a child is the most pain a mother can go through. Up until a few days ago, I had only wondered about this. Now I know this to be true. Losing a child is like having your heart ripped out and watching it the whole time. There it is right in front of you, your once beating heart not beating anymore. Meanwhile I am walking around without a vital part of my existance. The physical pain is just as real as the child I have loved. There will not be any gathering to say goodbye and celebrate my childs life. I wont be placing flowers on well manicured lawn full of other peoples loved ones who have died. There isnt a place where I can go to and talk to my daughter because I miss her and want to tell her all the things I could never say. If she were in heaven, she would be at peace. Mental Illness would no longer have a hold on her. Instead of  being surrounded by darkness, her face would be full of light. I am grieving the loss of my daughter. Not because of her death, but because of her life.