Faith

I havent been able to bring myself to blog for a few weeks. So many ppl have been asking about Summer. I just cant find the right words to say. There are so many things that I would like to say, but I dont. A part of our family is missing and nothing I say will make it seem like I am ok. I am NOT ok. I try my best to pretend that this is for the best. I do a pretty good job at covering up how I feel. There are some days when the pain is just too much for me. Actually, most days its too much. I am only human and although I know Gods promise is true, sometimes doubt sets in. When I am overcome with doubt, I surround myself with his words. His promise to me, thats all I have. Thats everything I have. his words are real. Talking to therapists and taking meds in order to cope, it doesnt work. I just do the best I can. I know that my best needs to be better. I need to stop being so selfish. All I can think about is how this is hurting me. How do I feel about it. I heard something at church the other night that I cant get outta my head. Life is not for sitting around and admiring everything that we have or have done. Its not for collecting stuff and being consumed with what is in the bank. None of that matters. So, if I believe what was said......then I am going about this the wrong way. God put me here to go through this for a reason. Its his plan for my life. I need to stop questioning why. There are no accidents. There is a purpose for what is happening. When I get to heaven, I will know what all of this was for. Until then, faith will just have to do. Faith is believing in the unseen.