The word unspoken

Forgive me if I seem to be a little depressing. This blog is a place where I can go and just say what I am feeling.Its my outlet for all my feelings. It seems like I can write about this without breaking down. These thoughts dont leave my mouth, they are here. When I am ready, I will talk about it.  This is very hard on my whole family. No one wants to say the name Summer, because that word still brings me to tears. I sometimes forget about how this effects my parents. They see me hurting and they cant take the pain away or kiss it and make it all better. I have to remember that I am not the only one that is suffering. My brothers dont like to see me this way, they want me to be ok. Johns girls looked up to Summer. They dont understand any of this. They just know that Summer doesnt visit them anymore. Jim and Polly knew Summer as a baby. Avery and Sterling dont talk about Summer. I am sure that they dont want to see me cry. Or maybe they arent ready to talk about it. Jeb, well he is being so strong for me. I know that this is tearing him up, probably more than I know. Jeb was Summers "Go To" person for everything. They had a relationship that I envied. Also, Brian the dog......he is hurt by this too. Brian and Summer would go for walks and she would bathe him and cuddle with him. I have always loved the holidays, but this year I am more anxious to get it over with.